Why do people say "it will get easier with time"?

‎Why do we tell people it will get easier with time?

This was the wall post of a friend of mine this morning on Facebook. I was surprised and a bit dismayed by the variety of responses she has received, from "It doesn't! They just want you to feel better! Life is a challenge!!!" to "Maybe they don't know what else to say" to "Because it does! But u have to be willing to let it!"

Here is my response:

"It" will get easier.

How that happens depends on the "it" and the source of your HOPE. Both of those depend on your basic assumptions about life, about your circumstances, about "it", about the source of your hope.

Your assumptions shape your behavior, which drives the results you get. Your basic assumptions about "it" and future possibilities will determine how you respond.

It CAN get easier, but "it" depends on you.

Without a source of hope, there is no hope; without hope, there are no new possibilities; without new possibilities, there is no passion; without passion, you'll take no meaningful action; without meaningful action, you miss out on new results. Without new results, it doesn't get easier.

Do you see any connections between your initial assumptions and the challenges you now face?

• How might you shift your thinking from old assumptions toward new ones? What happens when you do?
• What changed attitudes and behaviors might these new behaviors drive?
• Hope fuels and rekindles our passion to embrace challenges. Then what drives hope?
• What drives hope is to know that we have New Possibilities.

To create new possibilities, we must challenge our assumptions. Challenging our assumptions sometimes means choosing our attitudes.

Believe in doing something better than you have ever done before! Expect it to get easier.

Put your hope in Christ and the promises of God.

Are You Aware of Conditions of Badness?

Oh, how we love to be right!  People hate to be wrong, we resist admitting mistakes and have a hard time apologizing for our wrongs.  This often keeps us from making improvements. Nothing against the Strengths movement of personal development, but what we also need is a little Warusa-Kagen.

Warusa-Kagen is a Japanese term (悪さかげん) that refers to things that are not yet problems, but are still not quite right. Literally, it means "condition of badness" or "how bad things are" in the current condition. This is often expressed as the small abnormalities that are all around but unnoticed because they have not yet turned into larger problems. They can be an effective starting point for improvement activities - kaizen - because if left untended they may develop into serious problems.

I am a proponent of recognizing and developing one's strengths, and this is true for individuals, teams and organizations.  There is a simple activity I do early in my client relationships in which I ask them to make a table with two columns.  In the left column, list qualities and characteristics that you see as strengths. Then, in the right column, list qualities and characteristics that you need to develop.  Nearly all the time, people will come up with two completely different lists.

I find this interesting. Clients then rate all qualities from both lists based on their current potential, from a scale of 1 (pitifully poor) to 10 (world-class). Five (5), of course, is considered average.  Where do you have the most to gain, I ask, moving a 3 to a 5, or moving an 8 to a 10? Most people say developing from a 3 to a 5 is more powerful. In other words, their goal is to be average!!!!  Yet, upon reflection, all my clients are striving to be world-class in some area of their lives. This becomes a powerful lesson to focus on developing your strengths. The world needs more World-Class people, or what Seth Godin would call Linchpins.

I learned about Warusa-Kagen by reading Jon Miller's blog on lean practices and it's a term used mainly, but sparingly, in Lean Manufacturing and Quality circles.  Not only are lean processes severely underutilized in non-manufacturing environments, I see Warusa-Kagen as fundamental to personal development as well.

Miller shares an old rhyme:

"For the want of a nail the shoe was lost; For the want of a shoe the horse was lost; For the want of a horse the battle was lost; For the failure of battle the kingdom was lost; And all for the want of a horseshoe nail."

I find the most successful people are often unsatisfied but seldom dissatisfied (big difference) with various aspects of their lives. In other words, they are content yet constantly pursuing more - often striving toward quite challenging goals to change, improve, grow regardless of current success.  They build on their strengths but find opportunity for growth and even greater happiness through the recognition of "conditions of bad." Without "shoring up" their weaknesses, they can never fully realize their strengths.

Warusa-Kagen is important not only to understanding the current condition and how bad it is or where the problems are, it can be a fundamental mindset for daily planning. Even when things appear to be running very smoothly, we need a critical eye for warusa kagen. Performing daily, weekly and monthly checks of one's assumptions, attitudes, habits, goals, values, results and even purpose help to reinforce the Warusa-Kagen mindset.

Warusa-Kagen requires a daily revolution of awareness about a more ideal condition, process or even character, and how far removed from that condition the current condition really is.  Warusa-Kagen is recognizing untapped potential remains at all times at The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

Why Questions Are More Powerful Than Answers

Now I am a business coach.

Then I was a career coach. And for several years my job was to help people with disabilities find employment.

So much of what I learned Then is powerfully helpful Now.

One story in particular comes to mind... I attended a 4-H club that was geared toward young people with developmental disabilities. There was a young girl who used a power chair and who had extremely limited dexterity. Her mother was there, too. The agenda for the evening was making chocolate brownies from scratch. This meant the girl had to level a cup of flour, among other things.  This small task was extremely difficult for the girl, and her mother immediately jumped to do it for her. I boldly (unwisely, to be honest, but I got away with it) interrupted mom and asked her to stop.

"Don't help her, mom," I might have said. "If you keep her from struggling or failing now, she may never learn her true limits, let alone how to make brownies! She might even learn to avoid the struggle."

Somehow I got away with this intrusive interjection; in fact, the mom later thanked me for the lesson she learned.

Answers or Questions
People often confuse the role of a coach with that of a consultant. If a child asks you how to spell a word, for example, and you provide the answer, you are serving as a traditional consultant.  The child learns nothing about solving future spelling challenges.

On the other hand, if you help the child learn how to spell by asking him to speak each letter-sound and syllable, you are developing and reinforcing a skill that the child will use for a lifetime. As a coach you are developing the potential of the child, providing long-term benefits, rather than just solving short-term problems.

Good coaches resist providing answers to your questions and solutions to your problems.  They help you address current issues while learning how to address future ones.

More often than not, business professionals seek training or hire consultants when what they really need is a good coach.

As a coach, my core values include these:

• You already have the basic skills and knowledge you need to be successful.
• No one knows you, your work, your business better than you do.
• You gain more from testing your own knowledge, ideas and assumptions than from anything someone could tell you.
• The right questions will help you find your own right answers.
• I never tell someone anything that I could ask them instead.

One final lesson from back Then. 

I worked with hundreds of people who were looking for jobs; most of them had severe disabilities. They faced physical barriers to employment. They faced discrimination. They had experience as well as access to education and vocational training.

The difference between the people who were successful and found jobs rather quickly compare to those who failed had little to do with their disabilities. Success or failure had little to do with barriers or discrimination. It had little to do with experience or credentials.

Success and failure had little to do with circumstances at all. The determining factors were the individual's goals, daily habits and, most of all, his or her attitudes about current those circumstances. Attitude about disability. Attitude about barriers. Attitude about discrimination. Attitude about credentials or the lack of a solid vocational history.

Your success or failure has little to do with your circumstances. I'm guessing you have access to adequate training. I'm guessing you know your business and how to do your job. I'll even bet that you face some challenging circumstances yourself. You can always benefit from learning more, but what you really need is someone to help you get more from what you already know and have.  Someone who will help you develop your right attitudes, habits and goals regardless of your circumstances.

Someone who skillfully allows you to explore the true limits of your own potential. A coach who will show you the way to The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

All You Possibly Can...

One of my favorite college memories was a simple few moments in time on a lazy, meandering Sunday afternoon with my friend Mary Beth. We were enjoying a leisurely walk between Thompson Woods and Morris Library on the campus of my alma mater, Southern Illinois University in Carbondale. We had no plan other than to enjoy ourselves and each other, as much as we possibly could.

We came upon a parade of industrious ants marching along the expansion crack of the concrete sidewalk; there were thousands, probably millions of ants. Since our purpose was meandering anyway, we decided to split up and trace the origination and destination of the parade (we lost their trail deep in the woods and, unfortunately, at the exterior wall of the library - save the books!).

Ants have a singularity of purpose. Being college students, we didn't, so we decided to mess with theirs. We dropped a small rock in the middle of the ant parade and watched them scatter. Such Godlike power we had!  Soon, though, the ants collected themselves, rerouted and were right back on purpose. We, of course, continued our meander, somehow delighted with our ant encounter.

Oh, to be as focused as an ant! This morning, my long-time client, Dave Drook, reminded me of this "Philosophy of Ants" originated by the late great Jim Rohn.

The Ant Philosophy
by Jim Rohn

I think everybody should study ants. They have an amazing four-part philosophy.

Here is the first part: ants never quit.

That’s a good philosophy. If they’re headed somewhere and you try to stop them, they’ll look for another way. They’ll climb over, they’ll climb under, they’ll climb around. They keep looking for another way. What a neat philosophy, to never quit looking for a way to get where you’re supposed to go.

Second, ants think winter all summer.

That’s an important perspective. You can’t be so naïve as to think summer will last forever. So ants are gathering their winter food in the middle of summer.

The third part of the ant philosophy is that ants think summer all winter.

That is so important. During the winter, ants remind themselves, “This won’t last long—we’ll soon be out of here.” And the first warm day, the ants are out. If it turns cold again, they’ll dive back down, but then they come out the first warm day. They can’t wait to get out.

And here’s the last part of the ant philosophy. “all-you-possibly-can”.

How much will an ant gather during the summer to prepare for the winter? All he possibly can. What an incredible philosophy, the “all-you-possibly-can” philosophy.

Wow,


What a great philosophy to have - the ant philosophy.


Never give up, look ahead, stay positive and do all you can.

The Operating System of Motivation - Remix

My client this morning - an incredibly successful sales professional and a great guy, too - seems to have fallen off the motivation wagon again.  He does this from time to time. I guess that's why he has a coach and I'm honored that is me.

While his organization provides various incentives for sales, my client has long since outgrown them.  Of course, for creative work extrinsic rewards have been proven to be nearly useless anyway.  I've covered this before in a blog post titled The Operating System for Motivating People.

The problem is this week he didn't sell anything to any new customers. But what's the cause?

Going back to a source cited in the earlier blog, Daniel Pink would say that his profit motive has become unmoored from his purpose motive.  In his own words my client says:

"I let the day take me where it will instead of planning and sticking to my planned activities that are On-Purpose and will take me closer to achieving my goals."

My client has the necessary mastery in sales. He is self-directed enough and has taken autonomous actions to have succeeded all these years. In this regard, he seems to be On-Purpose.

But what about purpose? Ah, there's the rub. My client wants to become a "Million Dollar Salesperson". This goal is within reach, as long as he does what he says he is going to do.  He wants to retire a significant debt, toward which he has been making significant progress because of his profitable business; in fact, at one point he was ahead of schedule on becoming debt-free.  He wanted to become a sales coach and trainer, and he's done so within his company with as many as 48 internal coaching clients at a time. He also wants to write a book.  It's going to be an incredible book in the field of sales, I know. But at this point the book is not producing revenue and it takes time away from revenue-producing activity. 

While his sales remain steady, they are not increasing any more toward the million dollar mark. This slows his progress on paying off the debt. He gets distracted with the book project.

The solution? How can he tether his Profit Motive (through sales) to this new Purpose Motive (the retired debt; the book, while he's writing it)?  He's a very bright guy so our coaching session, although only 30 minutes long, was productive.  He has found some possible solutions he'll be testing in coming weeks and months.  His biggest takeaway? He remembered the importance of having a plan and sticking to it, and that in order to achieve his three-year plan, he has to stick to daily and weekly plans.

Having connected his Profit Motive with his new Purpose Motive, I fully expect him to get back on track with his weekly sales activity without risking progress as an author.

I fully expect my client to find his way back to The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

Now how about you? Have you ever experienced seemingly competing motives? What will you do?

["Sales Wise and Street Smart" is protected by both copyright and trademark laws.]

It's a new day and my possibilities are endless!"

"It's a new day and the possibilities are endless!"

This is one of my favorite personal recurring tweets and an affirmation I certainly want to live by.

If you're anything like me, your life is full of good intentions that sometimes get lost in the "clutter" that gathers on any given day. That's why affirmations are so important. Affirmations provide a better lens - or a better mirror - through which to see our circumstances. "Jessica's Daily Affirmation" illustrates this well:

Jessica - I love this girl! She gets it. She understands that much of what she will experience each day begins with her attitude toward the day, toward her family, toward herself, and even toward her house!  My guess is that Jessica will seldom allow her circumstances to define her outlook; her outlook will define her circumstances. Even in this short video, she not only affirms her own well-being, she affirms mine, too.

What impact do your thoughts and actions have on you and on others?  (Remember, leadership starts with authentic expression that adds value through relationships.)

Affirmations are positive statements that shape our thoughts, guide our actions and, ultimately, determine the results of our day. I used to think they were just silly - until I started using them. I soon found that they could be as powerful as goals. Generally, they make "positive thinking" tangible. (Have you ever met someone who describes himself as a "positive person", yet has the attitude of the most cynical of critics?) I use them in combination with my goals, and sometimes in place of particularly intangible goals. Here are a couple of examples...

• I have the courage to take action today on the things that are most important to me.
• I am a father whose children are comfortable coming to me about anything - their hopes and dreams as well as their fears and questions.
• I love how I feel when I have served the needs of others beyond their expectations.
• I am a person who recognizes that today is filled with possibilities.
• A kite rises against the wind, not with it. (example of a borrowed affirmation)

...and, of course...

• I like my house.
• I can do anything better!

When you look in the mirror, are you affirming your place at The Intersection of Purpose and Now?

What do you Want?

"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs."
     —Vaclav Havel

What do you want? I mean really, really want.

We don't want to hear about your iPad envy or covetous Amazon.com wish list; nothing so material here that it would merely satisfy a passing desire, no matter how passionately that desire currently pulses through you.

What do you want to happen? What do you want that lasts? What do you want that serves? What do you want that others can build on? What do you want that might transform more than you and your own interests? What are you doing about it?

"We just knew what we wanted to do," says Lois Bauman, a mother of six who knows what she wants. Bauman, her family and others are sacrificing their own comforts to "offer hope and give children dreams." She's known this for a while and built it and is rebuilding it (with your help). As a result, an abandoned building was filled with activity, many lives have been transformed, the hope of a community has been lifted, stars have been born, all because Bauman's Stairway of the Stars was created.

Baumann just didn't want a dance studio, she wanted to lift up a community and lift her students to the height of their potential.


Dance Teacher Guides Young Stars

NBC TODAY Show | MySpace Video

What do you want? To produce what you want, you must do the most productive thing at every given moment. It only happens at The Intersection of Purpose and Now.