It's Not Personal...

The following was originally posted by Douglas Constant on Saturday, March 28, 2009. Douglas lives at The Intersection of Purpose & Now.

Any interaction between two or more persons is, by definition, personal. When someone makes a decsion or takes an action which he or she realizes will affect you, it is not only personal -- it is an exercise of free will and judgment on that other person's part.

When someone says to you (usually while in the process of causing you injury or loss), "This is nothing personal. This is business," he or she is rationalizing or trying to justify (to his or her own conscience) an action that is ethically reprehensible. And that action is always personal. Adding further traction to this fact is that people are so obsessed with making this ridiculous pronouncement.

When a damaging and surprising act of betrayal is imposed upon you, your tormentor will invariably cite the defense (if asked), "It was a business decision."

You cannot abdicate personal judgment and culpability when you are causing any other Human Being pain or loss. Whether invoking "business decision" or just remaining coldly silent and leaving you in the wake of staggering disillusionment, the other person has committed a personal act. And somewhere inside, that person is fully aware of this fact.

How about this? I was only following my orders.

I am ultimately responsible for what I do, and for what I consciously put into motion.
Faithfully,
Douglas Castle

Leadership: Take the Leap and the Net Will Appear

I am taking my family to Nashville, TN, for my son's national show choir competition at the Grand Ol' Opry this week. So I am borrowing some purpose and inspiration from others.

A little melodramatic, but enjoy this brief video/slide affirmation, share it with someone who needs a lift, and remember:

To have formal leadership,

You must have personal leadership.

To have personal leadership,

You must have self-esteem.

To have self-esteem,

You must have self-love.

Learn to love yourself; trust yourself and your dreams; believe in something that others might think too big to believe in; understand your values and serve with them...and people will surely follow.

The Perilous Journey of Becoming Someone

EVERYTHING could be pointing the way...

Perhaps my favorite Nic Askew film ever. Enjoy! Watch it over and over. And as always, if Blogger is not cooperating with video, use the link in the title. Thanks for tuning in.

"Curiosity" starring Seth Godin

'curiosity' from Nic Askew on Vimeo.

' ... over & over & over again the curious are punished.'

I am on the road with my family this week, so Seth Godin is sitting in for me! Seems like videos don't always work on Blogger, so if you click away to Vimeo, remember, y'all come now, hear!

The Definition of Success

Here is my slight adaption of a contribution from my colleagues at Resource Associates Corporation (RAC) that builds on the Definition of Success I live by and share with my clients:

Almost everyone I know, or can think of, wants the same thing: Success. How about you? Would you like for this year to be more successful than last year? Could anyone not want to be successful? Well, there's been a lot written on the subject over the years, including some useful quotes:

• Woody Allen opinioned that "Eighty percent of success is showing up."
• The oft-quoted William Feather said that "Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go."
• Someone else once said "The road to success is always under construction."
• And Vince Lombardi, the immortal coach of the Green Bay Packers, noted that "The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will."

Everyone has his or her own ideas about what success looks like. You know part of my definition: rather than merely seek fame or fortune, I seek to be remarkable in the lives of others through service. Success for me is about having, doing and being; it's about living a particular way, day-to-day. Success and joy go hand-in-hand. Success is individual and unique to everyone, so can there be a single definition of success? Success is something that we all strive and work hard for, so wouldn't it be great if we could have a single definition of success that works for each of us?

I'd like to offer up a “Definition of Success”. This definition works works for me, I use it with my clients, and that I think it can work for each of you as well.

The continual achievement of your own predetermined goals, stabilized by balance, and purified by belief.

Let's examine the elements of this definition more closely:

• Continual – Ongoing, steady, constant, uninterrupted, iterative. You can't take a break from life or your pursuit of success, no matter your situation or circumstances, lest you become a victim. "Vacations", by the way, are not leaving the pursuit; they merely provide rhythm.
• Achievement – Fulfillment, accomplishment, attainment, feat. You must take action. Ben Franklin said that "Well done is better than well said." Progress must be made; otherwise you’re just treading water, if not losing ground.
• Your own – Your success is unique to you. Other people may have opinions about what success should mean for you, but only you can determine what is truly right for you.
• Predetermined – To define, decide or determine in advance, to have forethought.
  Anything less is merely fortunate circumstance. Plan to be successful and your joy will be far greater than anything that happens by good fortune alone.
• Goals – Destinations, ambition, aims, objectives, targets. Dare to dream of true happiness, define it and go for it. Goals provide focus; otherwise, there is no direction. And make certain that you have WHY SMART goals (Written, Aligned, Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistically High, and Time-based).
• Balance – Address all aspects of your life (social, career / financial, family, mental, ethics and beliefs, and physical) in a comprehensive manner. This doesn't mean you must give them all equal focus at all times, but that you must consider your wants and needs in each area to help you focus on what is truly important at any given moment.
• Belief – Self-confidence, commitment, faith, trust, certainty, conviction, values - purpose. Ezra Pound said that “What matters is not the idea a man holds, but the depth at which he holds it.” You have to believe in yourself … if you don’t, who will?

Does this “Definition of Success” work for you? Try it on for size and see if it can help you (personally and professionally) achieve more of what you want and become more of who you want to be! Live by this definition and you will find yourself at The Intersection of Purpose & Now.

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."

- Dale Carnegie

We Fall Down and Get Up

We fall down, we get up,
we fall down, we get up
We fall down, we get up
And the saints are just the sinners
Who fall down and get up
--"We Fall Down", written by Kyle Matthews, performed by Bob Carlisle: The Best of Bob Carlisle: Butterfly Kisses & Other Stories, 2002, Diadem

Resiliency is the ability to spring back from and successfully adapt to adversity, to cope with stress and even catastrophe. The sciences of psychology, sociology and psychiatry have contributed evidence that we have an innate capacity for resiliency. Extensive research has shown that no matter what conditions and adversities we face as children, the majority of us "make it". Most people find a way to somehow make a decent life for themselves no matter what happens to them.

Sometimes we don't live up to our full potential. Sometimes we have to learn the lesson that God has a plan of hope for us the hard way, and that takes resiliency.

I believe God uses our adversity, misfortune and tragedy as prelude to His miracles.

My friend Jared Vogel knows resiliency. He's lived it. I would like to share his story of a season of his life that started in the fall of 2005, when the universe and God Himself seemed to be against Jared. He now claims it to be one of the best years of his life because, from all the adversity he has learned to live a greater life. Thanks to Jared's resiliency, he has learned to live up to more of his potential.

Jared Vogel sarcastically refers to his "super senior-year" of college at Millikin University; actually, Jared was exhausted from his battle of being a man going into the field of elementary education: "You will hear endless praise and reassurance that 'We need male teachers,' but the novelty soon ends and the folks in charge will watch you more closely than they do the rest."

"I had endured the scrutiny without guidance for three years when my aunt died," Jared writes. Robin Vogel was a police officer in Decatur, Illinois: the first officer in Decatur to be killed in the line of duty in 80 years. Her car was struck on the front passenger side by a drunk driver (whose blood/alcohol level was three times the legal limit) driving at about 80 mph. She was comatose for two days before her body gave up.

"I recounted in my mind all of the exciting stories she would tell about her experiences on the night shift and admired the way she would always put a hilarious spin on them," Jared remembers. "She had a Catholic funeral. It was the most extravagant display of respect I had ever seen."

That was early in October. In December, Jared's mom found out that she had kidney-sized kidney stones. She had a condition called hemolytic aenemia for 25 years. Her gallbladder and liver killed red blood cells before they were mature enough to carry much oxygen. She usually had about half the blood count of a normal human. When she collapsed in the hospital, they found that she was down to less than a fourth of the blood of a normal human. The doctors got some blood from Peoria, IL and told everyone that it would be okay to go home.

"At 11:47 on December 7, a teaspoon of blood from Peoria killed my mom. There's power in the blood."

In January 2006, January started student teaching. "I was a terrible teacher. I was awkward, preoccupied, unable to concentrate... Needless to say, I failed. I had more than enough credit hours to receive a degree, so to hold on to student loans, I signed up for an independent study Environmental Biology class in which I did some research and wrote five ten-page papers. Landfills, health problems associated with radiation, water treatment, fossil fuel supplies, and "green" shopping. I spent my days at home doing nothing in particular."

When Jared's family was home for his mother's funeral, they realized that with his mom not there and Jared getting ready to start student teaching, there would be no one to take care of "Grandpa", who was needing more and more care. Grandpa ended up in an assissted living home near Ft. Worth, TX, and in April, Jared went to Ft. Worth to help his grandfather. He knew he had to be back in time to graduate from Millikin.

In May 2006, Jared received a B.S. Education, Social Science, English. Says Jared, "I thought that sounded three times more impressive than the degree I would've gotten had I passed student teaching: B.S. Elementary Education."

That summer, good things began to happen for Jared, although he wasn't sure of this at the time. Our friend John Schirle told Jared that another friend, Jeffery Gosnell, was looking for camp counselors for the summer... just in case he was looking for a job. So Jared worked that summer at Great Oaks camp in Lacon, IL. There, he learned how to act more naturally around school age kids and to constantly count the 12 of them and know what each of them were doing at all times.

At the end of the summer, Jared got his certificate to become a substitute teacher. John Schirle then told him about coming to work for me at Performance Development Network (PDN)as a facilitator for my Teambuilding Adventures operation. Says Jared, "Even if it wasn't a living, it was fun and challenging work."

Jared spent the next year substitute teaching and working with PDN. He spent some time in Arizona working for an uncle and after Arizona, Jared went back to Illinois to finish his student teaching. His dad had sold their house and moved in with his new wife. So Jared moved in with his brother who lives about five miles from the school where he would teach.

"By this time I was a very good teacher'" Jared professes. "I passed student teaching and got on the dean's list at Millikin, and finished the school year substitute teaching and working for PDN."

...All Predude to Miracle

Today, Jared sees it all as good. "I firmly believe that if my grandpa's apartment hadn't flooded, he might still live around here, but I wouldn't have ended up in Texas for a spring and Arizona for a summer. If my aunt hadn't died, she'd have some good stories, but I'd have several more traffic tickets than I do (and my uncle wouldn't have his new wife and son). If my mom hadn't died, I'd have passed student teaching the first time, but I'd still be a terrible teacher. I'd have learned the ways of an average teacher and would not have done anything new or exciting. It's possible that I may have gotten a teaching job out of college, in which case I would never have learned the management techniques that I did at Great Oaks, nor would I have developed the constructivist style that I greatly improved upon at PDN."

He continues, "It is nothing less than macabre to think to myself, 'It's a good thing that mom died', but when I think about where my plans could've gotten me, I am glad that something -anything - stopped those plans from completion."

Recognizing there is a plan of hope for us is necessary to discover our purpose and begin to make our own plans that fit with this purpose.

• How will your life be different when you know, with absolute certainty, that you have overcome failure?
• How can you turn your misfortune into good fortune?
• What must you do to begin living with peace even with the uncertainties of today's world?
• How will you prepare yourself to recognize God's plans for you in the midst of uncertainty?

10 Questions to Plan for Business Growth

1. What's your biggest business objective in 2009?


2. Where are your biggest opportunities right now?


3. Where do you see a gap in your market; what's not being offered?


4. What do your customers complain about? How about your employees? Your managers?


5. Where are you leaving money on the table?


6. What new revenue streams can you easily add next year?


7. What are your top 3 time eaters and energy drainers?


8. What is your "Biggest Opportunity Project" for 2009?


9. What are the top 5 marketing strategies you'll focus on?


10. How will you know you've had a great year?
    

How Your Words Can Touch Someone

Subject: I want you to know how your words have touched someone

Message: "Hi Mark: I had a meeting today with an old client with whom I had not talked in four years. She had printed out and brought an article from one of my email newsletters--an article you wrote titled "Something Is Holding Me Back Professionally. How can a Coach Help?" Your article contained some self-coaching questions. She typed three pages of text in response to those questions. Reviewing her answers, our conversation moved from the laughter of our first meeting to tears, then back to laughter again. She has been through a very rough patch but she is on her way back and wants me to help--because of your words. Thank you from both of us. Best regards, Dave"

This was a message my friend, colleague and fellow coach David Emery Smith sent to me on LinkedIn. I wrote the article he is referring to back in early 1997. It is powerful enough to move his client, to say the least. Maybe it will prove powerful for someone else as well - you or someone you can pass it along to. Here it is again as it appeared in David's newsletter.

Q: Something is holding me back professionally. How can a coach help?

A: The best coaching “answer” is a question. That’s the irony behind “Ask the Coach”. A good coach asks questions to help you do, be and give your best with right intention. Consider the following “self-coaching” questions. Maybe it’s time to hire a coach.

How are you driven by what might be possible? What do you really want? What risks are you avoiding? How much of your life is compared to what others expect? What truth lies in others’ perceptions? How do you know? What are you willing to learn or unlearn? If money was not an issue, to what one thing would you dedicate yourself? How would your life be different if you pursued just one important “dream deferred”? What’s stopping you? What if you don’t pursue your dreams? What is important?

Four potential ‘beings’ exist in all of us. We can be Explorers, searching with who we are for who we can become. We can be Sophisticates, fooling ourselves into believing we have all the answers. We can be Prisoners, living to the expectations of others and not our own. We can be Vacationers – anything we’re doing beats taking a risk. Listen to the questions you may be asking yourself. What could you explore today that might take you to the edge of your potential?

What is holding you back professionally? Professional coaching can make a big difference. Contact me directly, or David Emery Smith, and learn how we can help.

Are you "beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists."?

Many people are suffering these days - no sense in denying this fact. Many, many more are living in fear of suffering - these are the people I am writing about (and to) today. Are you living in fear of what MIGHT happen in coming days or months? Nothing else seems to throw us Off-Purpose more certainly or quickly than FEAR. Of course most of our FEARs turn out to be False Expectations Appearing Real. How might you replace your fear with courage that comes only through hope for the future, which is a product of faith?

"In times of change, the learners will inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists."

Eric Hoffer said this. He was a former longshoreman, people's philosopher, author of The True Believer; a self-taught man who was cautious and skeptical about the role that intellectuals play in the development of society. From Wikipedia, "Hoffer was among the first to recognize the central importance of self-esteem to psychological well-being. While most recent writers focus on the benefits of a positive self-esteem, Hoffer focused on the consequences of a lack of self-esteem... He postulated that fanaticism and self-righteousness are rooted in self-hatred, self-doubt, and insecurity. As he describes in The True Believer, he believed a passionate obsession with the outside world or with the private lives of other people is merely a craven attempt to compensate for a lack of meaning in one's own life."

I love Hoffer's quote. It reminds me of a participant in one of my corporate coaching groups a few years ago. Whenever this man contributed to our discussions, he always began with, "In my experience..." He remained "stuck in the past" (his ego required him to live there). He had little new to say because he had little new to experience. He had little new to experience because he had, in his mind, little new to learn. I honestly believe he feared the present moment (i.e. the present circumstances, present day, present conversation) for what might happen in the next moment, or for how he might be challenged or held accountable. In many respects, he was uncoachable. He was stuck and could not recognize the alarm bells going on around him that warned him to get unstuck.

These days I find myself facing more and more people that seem "stuck in the future". They are afraid of what "might" happen this year, next month, tomorrow... Oh, there is plenty going on in the global economy to stir up one's fear; there is plenty of data; there are plenty of people hurting. Often, it is what they read and hear in the media. I do not discount the fact their fear may also arise from the personal story of someone they know well, a neighbor perhaps. The thing is with the people who I am writing about, none of the feared data is their own.

People are running scared who are not directly experiencing their own dire adverse affects from the disastrous groundswell of gloom that has grown out of last year's credit and mortgage crises. As a result, people are missing opportunities to learn and grow from their own real, lived experience. They are acting on experience that they might have, or NOT acting because of what might happen. They are caged by fear. They are "beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists."

I do not mean to be bold by asking you to consider me as a "Human Stimulus Package." In fact, I say it with humility in mind. This is how I have been called to serve. This is the nature of my business; in fact, it is a way of describing the Purpose of my business. The terminology is new, but the intent and outcomes are the same as they have been since starting this coaching and development business six years ago. Just as businesses need retooling and physical refurbishing from time to time, they also need "Work Culture Refurbishing" - that's what I do. I know what I do works to help people "get to the other side" of their fears and the real obstacles that get in their way.

Through my work I stimulate people to see the world in new ways, which is the first step toward recognizing possibilities that before did not exist or seemed beyond reach.

If you follow my blog on a regular basis, then you understand that passion is a product of hope, and hope is a product of possibility, and possibility depends on our assumptions. Many of your assumptions depend on your faith, and are both the source and object of that faith. If you read my blog yesterday, then you also understand the nature, power and need for personal leadership. Passionate leadership will lead us out of this gloomy economy, this time of drastic upheaval and change - and YOU are the leader. YOU must be the leader.

• What might YOU have to learn to prepare for a future you don't understand?
• How are you acting with faith and courage in response to your current circumstances? How is that working?
• In what area are you learned, where your past experience, attitudes or even expertise might be holding you back in your new environment?
• How is personal leadership playing out in your daily life and work?
• What possible changes might you consider making to prepare for changes that you cannot control? (Remember, you can ALWAYS control your response to change.)

The Call of a Leader

I've been coaching people on personal leadership for 20 years now and have long advocated that people give up the limiting idea of "born leaders". Each one of us has the potential for leadership. Every one of us has the need for personal leadership; that is:

• Understanding who you are and what gives your life value and meaning.
• Authentic self-expression that adds value through relationships.
• Establishing your life's purpose and pursuing it with confidence, skill, commitment and resiliency.
• Knowing where you are going and how you plan to get there.

Everyone has the ability to develop leadership characteristics and skills. Personal leadership is necessary for true success. Leadership and success go hand in hand. I find the most useful definition of success to be one developed by Resource Associates Corporation:

Success is the continual achievement of your own predetermined goals, stabilized by balance and purified by belief.

My 10-year-old son, Ryan, has Down syndrome, is a special education student in a regular classroom and has a functional IQ far below the average person. Yet Ryan is an effective leader and a very successful boy. He amazes his mom and dad to no end, of course, but he amazes people wherever he goes. What makes Ryan a successful leader? He knows the good he wants from people, recognizes opportunities to add value through relationships with people, and acts with passion when the opportunity presents itself.

Yet why do so few people develop their capabilities and potential for success? One distinct reason - I recognize it in myself at times - is the tendency to "wait for the right opportunity". Here I find is the dividing line, "the razor's edge" between leaders and followers:

• Followers wait for the right opportunity as a reason to act.
• Leaders create opportunities to act for right reasons.

Author John Maxwell, in his Leadership Bible uses a passage in Isaiah to outline three distinct factors that make up the call to lead. He points to Isaiah 6:1-8, when the prophet accepts the call of God with a certain response of "Here I am. Send me." I address those same three factors in a different order for reasons I won't go into here, but the order isn't sequential anyway; all three elements are of equal importance to the Call of a Leader.

1. Opportunity - Leaders recognize a specific place, time or issue where we can make a difference. Our timing is right because we have the courage to take action now on the things that are important to us. We know what is important before the opportunity arises because we know what we value most.
   
2. Desire - Desire begins with the belief in possibilities and that the risk of creating something better outweighs the benefit or consequence of accepting current circumstances. Possibility gives rise to hope and hope is the root of passion. Leaders want to risk action at critical opportunities because their passion for what they desire most drives them like hunger drives the starving man to find food.


3. Ability - Leaders recognize they have the gifts to do something about the need at hand. This involves competence in various things, sometimes the ability to take direct action, sometimes the ability to influence others to act, sometimes the ability to learn something new. Ability is not just about skills and knowledge, however. With leaders, it also involved attitudes, habits and the ability to set and achieve goals. If we only took action as leaders when we are fully confident in our own current ability, we might never act on anything.

Challenge questions:

• What are a few (2-3) distinct things that give value and purpose to your life?
• How are these shaping your authenticity and action through your relationships with others?
• Have you established your life's purpose? How do you describe your purpose?
• Where are you now as a leader? Where are you going?
• What opportunities are before you today to act like the leader you have the potential to be?

Leaders live at The Intersection of Purpose & Now.

How to Turn Your Car into a University

Leaders are readers. How much do you read?

I didn't always read much. In fact, before I was midway through my undergraduate years of college, I had little interest in reading. I'm not sure what the trigger was then (maybe is was the Great Books Seminar I took; maybe it was reading Siddhartha by Herman Hesse), but that was 25 years ago.

Six years ago I made it a goal to develop a reading program for myself. That is one of several goals I have made that profoundly changed my life. Over the course of about one more year after that commitment, I progressed from reading one book a month to reading four books each month on average.

Now I read voraciously. I also drive about 40,000-50,000 miles each year behind the wheel of my Volvo XC. The amount of time that takes is easily equivalent to a semester of university work. Of course, that equivalency depends on what else I am doing while driving and, no, I do not mean talking on my cell phone. I read. Or rather I listen to as many or more books while driving as I do reading in my home or office. I don't really keep count, but I know I read more than 50 books each year.

I started out with cassettes and CDs rented from Cracker Barrel or loaned from the public library. For a variety of reasons, I found that both inconvenient at times, it limited my choices, and was sometimes just down right aggravating to find my place after stopping the car. Now I use Audible.com and buy an annual membership, which gives me about the best price anywhere for books, especially audio-books.

I generally am reading about three different books at any given time, sometimes more, but these categories vary from time to time. I typically will be reading a business, personal or professional development book; a novel (I particularly like legal and spy thrillers); and a non-fiction Christian authored book of some kind with my devotional "Band of Brothers" that meets weekly at Panera Bread. You can view what I am reading, what I have read recently, and what I plan to read by visiting my bookshelf at Shelfari.com. This is also a great source to discover books from other readers that you might want to read, and to keep track of what you are reading on your own bookshelf. (If you sign up for Shelfare - it's free - make sure you invite me to be your friend.)

Another way to expand the amount and range of your reading is to subcribe to an executive book review program, for example, Audio-Tech Summaries, Sound View Book Summaries, and my personal favorite Execubooks. Audio-Tech Summaries, in particular, offers book summaries of best-sellers on CD as well as in print.

Maybe you don't like to read. Maybe you don't read as much as you would like. Maybe you have more time to read than you realized! Maybe this year you will turn your car into a university and read, that is listen, to anything from the Great Books to the most current best-sellers. You'll love it.

Validation

Validation is a wonderful short film - I encourage you to set aside the 16+ minutes it takes to watch - it will make you smile. Unfortunately, I have had trouble getting YouTube to embed the actual video on my blog, so you may have to click the link and go to YouTube.

The film illustrates a message I share with young people, including my own sons, that:

"you will either influence people or they will influence you - there is no in between. So seek to be a positive influence on everyone you meet, and keep company only with those who will positively influence you. If you can't influence them, and they are negative, then walk away."

You are great. You are awsome. You have a beautiful smile. Spread it around. Feel better?

Some of you are familiar with my goal to have 5 positive recordable interactions each day, so let me know what you think; better yet, let me know how this made you feel.

Feel better by being better.

Are You Living or Enduring?

I think I have been guilty of "wishing my life away" at times. Have you?

I arrived home an hour ago after driving across the state with my oldest son for his hockey game. Actually, this was a light weekend; usually, we are juggling multiple events in multiple locations throughout the weekend. In two weeks, we have four places we need to be on a single Saturday night. Last weekend, we had to be in three places in three parts of Illinois on Sunday morning; we found a way. My wife and I are good about splitting up and one of us being with each of the boys (there are three, actually), but what is the square root of one marriage? I guess we'll devise a plan between now and then. Sometimes, I relish the work week so I can relax a little! Weekends can be exhausting in our family.

But I must catch myself before complaining about grueling weekends. It won't be long before our oldest son graduates from high school and, probably, moves away. These times won't last forever; I will dearly miss our many, many road trips and conversations and arguments. And not many parents spend as much time in direct contact with their children as we do on these weekend road trips. Who might be influencing our kids if they weren't with us? I feel guilty for sometimes feeling like I have endured my weekend of chauffeuring my sons for hours at a time.

Happiness is no fool's gold,
but it may take a struggle through
difficult choices to get there.

How much of your life are you "enduring"? Sure, you have struggles and some of them you legitimately seek to get through sooner than later. But are there other things you endure when you might better be appreciating them for what they are? Is your life out of balance or are you just reacting to circumstances rather than choosing what is really important to you at any given time?

If you are tolerating things in your life, then understand that is a choice. You ALWAYS have choices, although none of them may seem too compelling, but you choose your life daily. The sooner you accept this fact, the sooner you will gain some control over your own life.

Yet if you find yourself, every weekday, longing for the weekend; or slogging through each day dreaming about the vacation you'll take next month; or wishing it was tomorrow because of what you are enduring today - then you have a problem.

• What brings you alive? Consider working these things into your daily or weekly schedule to rediscover your passions.


• What are you tolerating? Consider the choice you are making and the personal rewards for making a different choice - and the consequences for doing nothing different. Happiness is no fool's gold, but it may take a struggle through difficult choices to get there.

If you view your life as an endurance test, it probably will be.

If you view life as as series of opportunities and events to be appreciated for what they are, you will know happiness. There is purpose in every moment, if you seek it out.