Stuck In The Muck

by Becky Morris

Have you ever been to a race?

My husband and I once attended the Indianapolis 500. We enjoyed all the pre-race activities almost more than the race. The bands, Jim Nabors (or Gomer Pyle for those who are old enough to remember) singing “Back Home Again in Indiana”, and the year we went there was a stealth fighter jet that hovered over the track. That alone was enough to send chills down our spines. All the build-up to the start of the race was spectacular, right up to the iconic saying, "Gentlemen, start your engines." I suppose these days the announcer says, "Ladies and Gentlement, start your engines." I like that.

Now imagine this: The announcer says “Gentlemen, start your engines” but none of the engines start. Instead of a loud, thunderous roar of horsepower and all the anticipation of the start of the race...there is nothing, complete silence. What a disappointment, what a letdown.

What if this really happened? What would your reaction be? Would you get upset and leave the track? Would you wait to see if the engines would start? I suspect I might have either of these reactions. Eventually, I would expect something, after all I had paid for tickets and my expectations were far from being met.

Of course, I highly doubt this will ever happen at the Indy 500. But something similar happens to many of us at different times in our lives. For some, it is the dream of starting a business, going through the process of finding the right name, getting the business legally set-up, hanging out that proverbial shingle. For others, it may be obtaining that college degree, running a marathon or taking that long desired vacation to Australia. We have a race to run, and we want to win. We need to get our engines started.

What races are you not starting? Are you excited during the pre-race only to have your engine stall? Where is your engine stalled? What dreams are you not living? What keeps you from beginning?

Most of us dream, but we lack the courage to pursue those dreams. We may be living a life of complacency, saying we really want something but never putting any actions in place to live it out.

If you started your race today, what would it take to win? What barriers might get in your way? What could you do to ensure your engine starts and you have the tires and gas to get you to the finish line?

If you acted on your dream today what would be different in your life one year from today? What muck are you stuck in? Are you living your dream?

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

~Abraham Maslow

Hello, Good-Bye and Thank You

by Becky Morris

My friend E Ann and I were having lunch one day and she was telling me about her daughter’s new boyfriend. It drove her absolutely crazy that every time he came to the house he never said hello, when leaving he never said good-bye, and if they took him to dinner or anywhere, he never said thank you. She asked me if I would consider doing a workshop on this topic. Of course we had a good laugh about this, but she had a valid point. There is an element of respect that seems to be missing in today’s society.

In her book How to ZING Your Life and Leadership Nancy Hunter Denney has a chapter on the "Rules of Respect". She lists 7 ways to demonstrate respect. They are:

Appearance – This is a touchy subject. The more casual you dress, the harder it is for others to determine your role and the greater assumption (by others) that you might not take your role seriously. Clothes do not make the man or woman. However, if you combine respectful behaviors with appropriate appearance, you will reap the benefits.

• How will you know when you appear appropriate for the situation?

Method of Communication – If you seriously want to improve your capacity to demonstrate respect, you must speak to others with respect. Not only does your word selection have an impact, but the noise level of your conversation also matters. Respect others by avoiding the temptation to intimidate, oppress, frighten, degrade or control.

• How will you know your tone and demeanor demonstrate respect for those with whom you are speaking?

Word Selection and Gestures – Word selection and the content of your statements can also quickly show someone that either you respect them or you have no regard for their values, morals and diversity.

• How will you know you are making respectful word choices?

Punctuality – Perpetual lateness is a significant (and preventable) individual detractor that subjects itself to a variety of interpretations and/or assumptions about you such as: disorganized, rude, careless, inconsiderate or having other priorities. Time is a valuable commodity and should be handled with care - not only your time, but the time of others.

• How will you use your limited time each day to demonstrate your respect for others and their priorities?

Involvement – Another way of showing respect is by your level of involvement in your workplace or community. Respect can also be demonstrated by inviting others’ opinion and participation. Supervisors or managers who micromanage show very little trust (and thus respect) for their employees’ abilities.

• How will you invite others into dialogue with you, encouraging their talent through participation, and engaging them in community?

Expectations – Letting others know your expectations of/for them tells them how you perceive them. Just as high expectations demonstrate high esteem, low expectations demonstrate low esteem. When you under-value, underpay and under-appreciate your workers, you simply disrespect them.

• How will you come to believe in people to be their best and expect no less from them, rather than measure them by their weakest moment (while your own esteem rests on your best moments)?

Politeness – This is one of the best ways to demonstrate your respect for others. It may require little more than a spoken “please”, “thank-you”, "yes, sir" or "yes, ma'am".

• How DOES your general manner with people reflect the respect you have for them? How must you shift your attitude about people to improve your manners toward them?

What is the Real Nature of Success and Leadership?

It all started with a thought-provoking Facebook update by my friend, Lon Alderman:

"Lon Alderman thinking about all of the stuff written about "success", and wondering how it all stacks up against (Mark 10:43-45)"

What followed was equally thought-provoking and powerful, a discussion about "success and leadership" raising BIG questions and our humble but heart-felt answers through dialogue. We believe these questions and our dialogue are of value to others. We hope it provokes you to rethink your definitions of success, of leadership and of what your daily living is all about. I trust it will further enrich your search to live at The Intersection of Purpose and Now. As Lon Alderman writes: "real sharpening happens when people speak the truth in love with one another."

Below is the discussion thread that ensued, which both Lon and I are posting on our respective blogs. It begins with brief comments from others, then I enter as the voice of "trouble-maker". Lon takes it in it's best direction at 1:26 p.m. on July 1 and later Alistair takes us on a helpful turn. You will find Lon's excellent blog at Daily Build Up. Lon provides an outstanding devotional guide, among other benefits that make his blog one of my favorites.

Mark 10:43-45 (NIV)

⁴³Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Lon thinking about all of the stuff written about "success", and wondering how it all stacks up against (Mark 10:43-45)

Tim at 12:34pm July 1

Unless what is written about "success" is based on Mark 10:43-45 (and the rest of the manual aka Bible) it isn't worth spit!

Lon at 12:45pm July 1

Thanks, Tim! Isn't it interesting how much of the success literature within the church is based on principles gleaned from the world?

John at 12:49pm July 1

Isn't it interesting that there are so many books on how to be a good leader and virtually nothing on how to be a good follower?

Lon at 1:00pm July 1

That's true, John! Bill Allison argues that leadership is the wrong direction; rather, we should be studying followership as in following Jesus! (Check out Bill's blog at: http://tinyurl.com/ly4ku2

Mark at 1:16pm July 1

Of course, it's tough for most of us to say we have, indeed, "given our lives as a portion for many". What portion? How much must one give or serve to be successful? How many must one serve to be successful? How must we serve to be successful? We all fall short of Christ.

Even well-meaning Christians tend to measure "success" by who they are ministering to, rather how they are ministering by... Show me a church that doesn't measure success with the amount of people in the pews and offering in the plates.

My experience is that there is actually a great deal of Christian wisdom at work in modern "success" literature. Even some of the "wealth" literature is really about discovering God's purpose for you and pursuing it with fervor and faith. There are many exceptions, of course, but "one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch". (Amway, a professed "Christian" business has certainly gone astray, for example. Another example of "if heaven is like church, who wants to go there?")


Mark at 1:24pm July 1

Philemon 1:6 (NIV) "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ."

I must decide by listening to God how to actively share my faith. Preaching seldom works - people are better watchers than listeners. The best of the success literature helps people, albeit in typically secular terms, to understand every good thing they want to have, do and become, to purify their beliefs in pursuit of success and measure it in the currencies of peace, fulfillment, happiness, service to others, as well as money.

We must measure success literature with the Bible as our standard. If there is no need to write or read anything beyond the Bible, why are we on Facebook?

Lon at 1:26pm July 1

Mark, does the failure on our part as Christ followers negate the principle of success as described in Mark 10:43-45?

Mark at 1:37pm July 1

Of course not. And thank you for asking, if I gave that impression. By no means at all do I believe that our failure negates the truth of scripture. Our failure should put us in hot pursuit of more fully understanding and pursuing His truth, and writing about and pursuing "success" is a tangible means of doing so.

I'm offering an answer to your implied question: "How does all the 'success' stuff stack up against Mark 10:43-45?" More and more, it stacks up fairly well and in many cases the stuff is human expression in pursuit of understanding God, who surpasses our understanding (we all fall short of Christ).

Of course, if it weren't for our Fall, we wouldn't be searching for understanding God or "success" in the first place!

Lon, you know one of the primary reasons I appreciate you and your ministry SO much is because you measure success in "how you are ministering by..." rather than "who you are ministering to, and how many". The "who" of your ministry merely gives you focus, and a very good one at that! The "how many" is merely a motivator to remind yourself that your work - God's work - is not yet finished!

Lon at 1:48pm July 1

I'm excited to see some of the success literature that you mentioned, Mark. Could you suggest a definitive work to get me started?

Lon at 1:54pm July 1

Thanks, Mark! I love the sharpening process with you! I know that I will get your full-on perspective and not have to wonder what you really think! That's got to be one of your gifts that serves you so well in coaching! Far too often I interact with people wondering what their agreeable faces are hiding! Again, real sharpening happens when people speak the truth in love with one another. You do that in an exemplary way! Thank you!

Mark at 2:05pm July 1

Ahhh, we're just saying the same thing from two perspectives; I am assured of that. You get me going in good directions...

As for recommendations for a "definitive" work - great request. I'm not sure if I have such a recommendation at the tip of my tongue. Partly, because so much of what I read I consider to be "success" literature, from John Eldredge and Mark Batterson to Napoleon Hill and Lance Secretan. (I LOVE Eldredge and Batterson)

The aggravating thing I find, and I actually think this may be true to the original point you were making, is how so many authors disguise their beliefs and questions in "new age-y" language, or their doubts about the reality of God are so deep they don't recognize how closely their other beliefs are directly supportive of His Word. Lance Secretan's "One" is a good example of this, and I highly recommend it. Steven Covey's "7 Habits" is another example, although he and many others would say he is a Christian - or the same as.

Lon at 2:14pm July 1

I have some familiarity with Covey, so I think I'll dive into the work of Mr. Secretan. Thanks again, Mark! May God bless until our next "meeting"!

Mark at 2:41pm July 1

I thought you were going to call me today? I have a coaching client soon, but tomorrow would work if you still want to talk.

Lon at 2:45pm July 1

Well, you see, I got involved in this thread on facebook and....

Tim at 4:55pm July 1

Marine Corps Leadership is based on good followership first.

Alistair at 6:24pm July 1

Hi Lon... remember doing and thinking about this a long time ago with you at the the leadership camps... oh boy is that way back.. however... on leadership.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fumQ0s7DCEY
but on success... shift the paradigm
http://www.facesandvoicesofrecovery.org/

Mark at 6:28pm July 1

Lon, again, this a great conversation you have started - thanks again.

It's interesting that it seems all of us make a direct link between success and leadership. This is a connection I help my clients make in the first session of any leadership or other development program. It generally requires personal leadership to achieve success. Formal leadership is dependent on personal leadership. And yes, one of the surest signs of potential leadership is indeed "followership", something that an activity called "helium hoop" quickly and effectively demonstrates through experiential learning. Simply put, the best leaders know when to lead, follow or get out of the way.

Mark at 6:36pm July 1

Lon, Alistair references The Starfish and the Spider, watch his video link; it's another book I would recommend, too. I think you might find it directly related to your ministry, too. [in hindsight, this is more relevant to our discussion than any other reference mentioned]

Lon at 6:43pm July 1

Stepping into a coaching session will have to (re-)join this thread later this evening. Looks like fun!

Alistair at 6:49pm July 1

success and failure are too binary (I think) we are constantly being called into relationship with God by God. this then leads into every relationship we have.. as christians we are called to serve not to follow, the only one we HAVE to follow is christ... and this is where it gets interesting for in following Christ we are called to love. How can you measure success in this dodgy, painful, joyous, infuriating, sublime, human process.
If one day the pastors were all removed, and one day I hope they are, what would they do without that 'leadership'. pastors should be working themselves out of a job, and the people ought to be moving toward that goal.. by becoming more themselves in a full relationship with God and man. Success IMHO is not about numbers or goods its about my conscience and its relationship with God.. rich or poor

Mark at 7:01pm July 1

Another good one, Alistair. Binary, an unnecessary dichotomy perhaps, but motivating...ultimately in the dichotomous options of heaven and hell.

Likewise, I think we too easily limit the concept of leadership in binary, dichotomous concepts like "leader" and "followers".

Ultimately, there are leaders and there are not leaders, and we all play either role at various times. Ultimately, when the church is full of leaders, I think we will still need pastoring, but we'll all be ministers. The healthiest churches are ones that would still thrive and grow with or without a directing pastor, just like the starfish.

Alistair at 7:30pm July 1

Mark... a long time ago I came up with a concept of group that is along the lines of how you describe leadership.. it was called the donut principle. Dont know if I shared it with Lon, its a simple way of looking at group process through the use of activity...

at the minute i'm thinking this...
http://emergingscotland.ning.com/group/thextians/forum/topics/who-are-these-xtians?page=1&commentId=2882481%3AComment%3A4164&x=1#2882481Comment4164

Mark at 7:40pm July 1

Alistair, I'm not making the connection: donut principle and the link you provide?

Alistair at 7:41pm July 1

one has to do with leadership the other has to do with belonging to a group without leadership but shares a common vision

Mark at 7:47pm July 1

Ahhh, I was getting into the Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros video!

Mark at 7:48pm July 1

The helium hoop quickly and powerfully demonstrates that sometimes the most effective leadership quality is to allow someone else to lead, among many other lessons.

Mark at 8:34pm July 1

As long as Lon's with a client and we're on the subject of leadership, have you read my blog today? :-)
http://www.purposeandnow.com/2009/06/formula-for-well-being.html

Lon at 10:43pm July 1

This thread is amazing! It started with a simple musing that was picked up by (Tim) a friend from high school (we played football together). Then a friend from graduate school (John) chimed in. Then a coaching colleague (Mark) weighed in. Finally, Alistair (from Scotland) a friend from my years at Western Illinois University joined the conversation. That is just way too cool!

Oh, and the subject is pretty enjoyable, too! For me, the key to this question of success and leadership boils down the metric we use for determining success. Once established, this will determine the nature of leadership.

So, if success is a relationship with Jesus the Christ, then leadership is guiding people into said relationship. This is my bias regarding success, but the world says, "But that won't feed the family!".

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is... (Romans 12:2)

Mark at 11:10pm July 1

Informative and provocative...

Oddly enough, I still find these conclusions troubling. I define success as "The continual achievement of your own predetermined goals, stabilized by balance and purified by belief," so my relationship with Christ certainly fits but many other lesser things fit as well. Success is not an event, it's continual, so accepting a relationship with Christ would be successful, but the continuing pursuit of my relationship with him much better and purifying.

Leadership? I think the problem is in how we measure it. I don't think leadership is measured by what I do, even it it's guiding people to Christ. It is measured by what those who would follow me do, at their own discretion, having followed me. I bring more people into relationship with Christ by living as "salt and light" than by passing out tracts.

Finally, "Earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can (to Acorn Ministries)." John Wesley
G'night.

Lon at 9:42am July 2

Where we differ (foundationally) is that I believe that it is God that will determine my steps:

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3)

When I claim success as achieving MY goals, then where is God? Could "success" as you've defined it become a god?

I believe that God is not interested in my work; rather, it is my devotion and relationship with Jesus that matters. I'm not anti-planning, but I do recognize that it is not my achievement that God desires.

21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' (Matthew 7)

Mark at 10:04am July 2
Well, good morning, my friend! This is very helpful in my exploration of the whole topic of success and leadership. I think we have a point of disagreement, but much different than you state.

1. I also believe that it is God that will determine my steps (Proverbs 3). We absolutely agree on this.
2. If I trust in the Lord, He will be in my goals, breath life into my goals, be the source of my goals, determine my goals; my goals will be His goals. Success is achieving my goals because, or more accurately, when my goals are from God.
3. We have been separated from God, however, so our goals require a "purification" process. He will determine my steps" but my will gets in the way. Have you ever doubted or been reaffirmed in your ministry? That's part of the purification. Acorn, I would say, is YOUR idea FROM God.
4. God gets nasty about our separateness at times (e.g. Isaiah 59:1-3); yet offers us a way back (e.g. Ephesians 2:13)
5. So God is interested in my work. If it is His work, or if it is not, either way He is interested. But where are my interests.
   

So much of my work - my non-secular ministry - is about helping people with the purification process. What do I want and WHY do I want it? I help people test the WHY as well as the WHAT, before they get too caught up in the HOW.

I've always been fascinated by an Einstein quote: "I want to know God's thoughts, all the rest are details." Not literally, or exactly, or in any way do I mean to "limit" God, but in a way I believe that if we allow our wants to be God's want, He does leave a lot of the "details" to us.

We get things turned around, though. We too often want to determine and prioritize the big thoughts - our dreams, wants, goals, missions, etc. - then pray that God will take care of the details. This separates us from God, and success becomes more about us and less about God.

So I can not only have the goal of "making lots of money", and that can be ordained by God - it can even be my commission...because of Wesley's thought. God is equipping me in a unique way, wealth, to do His work. He may not be equipping me in that way as much as I sometimes (want for selfish reasons and tongue in cheek), but He is equipping me financially as in other ways.

If you have made it this far with us, you may want to join our conversation. Please add your comments to The Intersection of Purpose and Now!

Grow a Personal Forest

Redwood trees are among the tallest of trees, growing up to almost 400 feet tall. Instead of the incredibly deep root system you might expect, redwoods have an extremely shallow root system, sometimes only 12 feet deep.

How can a 400-foot tree with a 12-foot root system stand up to the wind? Although they are shallow, redwood's roots grow extremely wide. The root system may be as wide as the tree it supports is tall. And yet, as wide as the roots are, you may still wonder how the mighty redwoods support their height. They do it by growing close together. The redwood root systems intertwine with each other so they become part of a huge root system that's able to support every tree's amazing height.

Humans grow the same way. Only when you are surrounded by people who have and understand your potential will you achieve your greatest success. You may indeed grow without the support of others, yet you will not likely stand up well to the elements of time without being rooted in community with others.

To use more of your potential, you need a "forest of people" growing with you. The more "redwoods" you surround yourself with the greater your success will be. Also, the stronger the people in your forest, the stronger you will be. You have reached your current height because of the "trees" around you. As you add more "redwoods" to your personal forest, you'll grow even taller. Surrounded by the support of many, you may grow to majestic heights.

Begin today to build yourself a "forest" of people who understand, respect, acknowledge, and accept your greatness. Build your forest with people who will support you as you strive for your greatest heights ever. Only when surrounded by other redwoods will you truly be free.....free to be the greatest you can be.

Sometimes we think it’s wrong to ‘grow close’ to the people with whom we work. Perhaps we misinterpret the opportunity? This little story illustrates very clearly that we need to surround ourselves with people who reinforce us, are positive and forward-looking and believe in our ability to succeed. All others should be off-limits to us, because they infest our root system and diminish our ability to stand tall.

This was adapted, with permission, from my friend Jerry Houston, Houston Associates, Chicago/Phoenix, and is originally a story by Mr. Per - America's Confidence Coach.

• Who are you supporting with your roots?

• Do you believe in the potential of the people around you?

• What might happen if you don’t ‘grow close’?

• What are you doing to ‘grow your forest’?

Our roots grow together at The Intersection of Purpose and Now.

The Formula for Well-Being

Personal leadership is at the heart of your day-to-day experience. It shapes your attitude, your behavior, your habits, your goals and the results you get from your time, your relationships, your work, and everything you do.

Consider the hallmarks of leadership:

• Honesty is about what you say.
• Integrity is about what you do.

Hallmark is defined as "a conspicuous feature or characteristic." Most people will say they demonstrate honesty and integrity, but with leaders these qualities are conspicuous and easily recognizable by others.


2,000 years ago James, the brother of Jesus, made clear the hallmark of leadership:

“Don't add words like ‘I swear to God’ to your own words. Don't show your impatience by concocting oaths to hurry up God. Just say yes or no. Just say what is true. That way, your language can't be used against you.” [James 5:12, MSG].

“Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” This is the Formula for Well-Being, and it still holds true today. It is the hallmark of leadership and the real issue behind the average person’s struggle with time management, trust in relationships, struggles in fulfilling business management roles and other issues.

• Giving your word creates potential.
• Keeping your word creates influence.

Our society has mastered the art of NOT giving our word. We mistake our “maybe”, "I'll try", "I hope to" or “I’ll think it over” for honesty. We even blame the clock by saying “I didn’t have time.” Worse yet, we mistake our vows for honesty. Real personal power and leadership begins when you say you will do something specific and you do it.

The potential to truly show people that you know who you are, where you are going, and how you are going to get there exists with every 15-minute increment in your daily planner.

Time management is not about managing your time. It's not about checking off items on a "to do" list (How long did that really work for you? Or did your list just keeping getting longer over time?) What we commonly refer to as "time management" is really about managing your character. And your real character will determine the degree to which people trust you, which has a profound impact on performance. You will never see an increase in the trust others have for you in general unless you improve your ability to make and keep promises about the use of your time.

Start with the promises you make to yourself: if you schedule an hour at your desk to work on a project then keep that commitment. I know you have lots of excuses, "interruptions" you just cannot ignore; I've heard them all before. And I have been there as people discover the "interruptions" didn't have to be interruptions at all - most of the time.

Use an organizing system to record your commitments and keep them - it is good for you. When you learn to keep your promises to yourself, you will also find other people begin to trust you more, even revere you to a higher degree than before.

How conspicuous is your Honesty and Integrity to others? How conspicuous is Honesty and Integrity in how you manage your use of time?

“The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do. They don’t like doing them either, but their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.”

-E.M. Gray